Preparing for marriage

I recently attended a marriage preparation course for Catholic couples religiously for six weeks in order to obtain a certificate that allows me to get married in church. I must admit I'm quite glad it's over, as it has been quite an intensive experience, but that's not to say that I didn't enjoy it or benefit from it.

The notion of preparing for marriage must strike some people as being rather strange, as opposed to the idea of preparing for one's wedding, which would hardly raise an eyebrow. I think many people still hold the belief that when two people in love decide to get married, they must be adequately prepared in some way or other already. But I think the life-changing experience that is to come is hardly something that most dating couples can comprehend, hence the need for marriage preparation.

Although many things that were said during the course were not exactly new to me, such as the need for communication or the need to make time for each other, the opportunity to learn vicariously through the experiences of other married couples or fellow dating couples was something that I found valuable.

The course also served to remind me that couples should not take each other for granted. It is so easy to become careless in considering the feelings of one's other half, to neglect to accord to one's partner the respect he or she deserves over time that one more reminder is never one too many.

The road to marital bliss will never be a smooth one. But if couples treat each other with respect and take the time to communicate with each other, then this road will definitely make for the most enjoyable ride of a lifetime.

Europe here I come!

My life has been a whirlwind of activity lately - not least because I've been spending hours on the laptop, labouring over the itinerary for my forthcoming trip to Britain, Paris and Switzerland, sometimes even staying up just so that I can work on finding the best value-for-money accomodation or check out various sights and attractions.

The experience has not been wholly enjoyable. Many times, I've wondered - like C does - why I'm racking my brains and sacrificing my sleep when I could just take my pick from the range of packages offered by travel agencies. True, they may not be customised to my preferences, but surely that's a small compromise to make in exchange for the convenience?

But I've soldiered on, telling myself that the rewards will come on the trip. Every trip is transformed into an adventure with the knowledge that one is completely on one's own, free to decide when and where to go or stay and for how long, as well as the opportunity to veer off the beaten track.

The experience of going on a self-planned vacation can be truly liberating and exciting - it makes one feel that one is really taking a break from the confines of routine and the grind of daily life. That is the whole point of going on a holiday, isn't it?

Why I am a Catholic

I think some of my friends were surprised when I converted to Catholicism four years ago. Even as recently as a couple of days ago, one of them asked me why I became a Catholic, saying that he never knew the reason for my decision.

I'm always reluctant to tell people why I decided to become a Catholic, not because I don't wish to share with them my experience. It's just that I feel whatever I say will not only fail to capture the reality of how I feel but, worse, will inevitably sound trite to the other party.

But if I have to say something, I guess I would say that it was gradually becoming clear to me then that God was never far from everything that had happened to me. I believe everything happens for a reason. I may not understand the reasons, but I was certain that God had His reasons, that even when things didn't go my way, God was taking care of me. It's not that I never knew that before, but there is always a gap between knowledge and reality. I believe it was God's grace that allowed me to see the knowledge as reality, to experience it rather than merely to know it.

When I came across Psalm 139 - "Oh God you have searched me and you know me" - where David dwells on God's intimate knowledge of him, I was intensely moved, and it brought me to the realisation that God could well be the soulmate I was searching for. After all, isn't everyone looking for someone who really understands them?

And when it comes to soulmates, isn't God the perfect One? He may not do it deliberately, but imperfect Man is perfectly capable of letting one down when one is in need. Everyone can be there for me sometimes. But God is the only one who will be there for me all of the time.

For me, then, the decision to become a Catholic can be described as a decision to commit to the One whom I know loves me, takes care of me and will always be there for me.

All by myself

The other day, a friend was telling me that she was considering ending a relationship, but she couldn't imagine what it would be like to be alone again.

That set me thinking about my own chequered past. I have initiated a few break-ups in my life, and I remember that each time, I had relished the prospect of being alone once more. Of course, that may have something to do with the fact that the relationships were not exactly fulfilling, so that I felt I would be better off on my own.

But I think I actually did enjoy my own company, as mystifying as it may seem to some people. Those were times when I ate and shopped alone, and would even rather watch movies alone. I didn't have to accomodate anyone or make compromises - I could do what I like when I felt like it; I didn't have to do anything if I didn't feel like it.

Yet when my friend brought up her reservations about being alone, I knew I won't be able to do it now. Is it the effects of growing older, which this same friend cited for her inability to go on vacations by herself anymore?

I still enjoy being alone once in a while, but the truth is that it is only fun when I know there is someone I can return to at the end of the day. My theory is that when one is young, one is more concerned about living for the moment and less concerned about the future, precisely because the future is not the present. In short, even if there is no one for me now, there is still plenty of time for the right one to appear.

But as one grows older, the gap between the present and the future seems to shrink, and the future becomes ever present, lurking ominously in the here and now. How, then, can I still enjoy being alone with the carefree abandon of my younger days, given the knowledge that every moment I spend alone is one moment fewer for "the one" to appear?

That said, it doesn't mean one should settle for any companion, just for the sake of having company. I think one's own company is still far better than just any old company.

A perfect rainy night

It's a perfect rainy night. I'm warm and snug in my cosy home, watching the show put up by Nature - dark sky, occasional flashes of lightning and rumblings of thunder, and the tide of relentless rain illuminated by the street lamps.

There's something uplifting about seeing the rain pour down ceaselessly - it feels as if the world is being refreshed and made new once more, right before my very eyes. But more than that, there is a sense that the rain is helping to wash away all my fears and worries, filling me with a mix of peace and relief.

And the fact that all this is taking place at night, when the streets are quiet, only makes it that much more romantic and personal, as if it is a private performance put up just for my benefit.

Thank you. I enjoyed that.

Demise of the long phone conversation

It's strange. When I was much younger, I used to spend hours on the phone after school talking to friends. While it was not exactly a daily affair, it occurred regularly enough - two- or three-hour conversations were the norm, especially when it was someone special. In fact, there were times when I talked on the phone through the night.

Yet the irony is that I hardly chat with any of my friends over the phone anymore, even though technological advances have made the mobile phone an almost indispensable part of most people's lives.

I often tell myself it's because I prefer to talk to them face to face. That's true to a certain extent. There's something about talking to someone who is physically with you that makes it more intimate, something that goes beyond the ability to see how a person reacts to you and the things you say.

But more than that, it seems that no time is a good time to call my friends up. There's always something else I have to do or want to do. And this of course brings with it the concomitant fear of catching people at the wrong time, that they may be busy or preoccupied with more pressing matters.

My argument is that as one grows older, there seems to be a corresponding increase in the demands on one's time. There was a time when life for me was just about school and friends. But then it got more complicated, when the demands of love and work set in and brought with them more worries and responsibilities, until there came a time when chatting with or calling my friends always seemed like a bad idea or the last thing on my mind.

All this is not to say I don't enjoy talking to my friends. I do. A lot. But people and circumstances do change. What may be more important then, I feel, is the effort put in to keep the friendship going rather than the means utilised. So my dear friends, please don't be too harsh on me.

Loving pains

Falling in love is the easy part. I've come to realise how true that is. But marriage is a whole different ball game altogether.

There's the home the two of us set up together that has to be maintained. Then we have to adjust to the new environment and learn to live with each other's different living habits, not to mention the friction that inevitably occurs when two people live together in close proximity. We seem to have a knack of getting on each other's nerves at home. Perhaps our differences are magnified by the confines of our living space, to put it mildly. And to top it all off, we've to think about keeping the sparks in our relationship alive. These are mammoth tasks, any of which is enough to put anyone off marriage, I think.

It's not that I'm having second thoughts. I don't regret getting married and setting up a home together with C. In fact, it's great to have a place to call our own. And I love coming home to the man I love. It's just that I sometimes wish this whole process could be more painless or fast forwarded.

I don't doubt that eventually both of us will find or achieve that delicate balance which will allow us to appreciate and enjoy each other's presence in our lives more fully. Neither do I intend to stop working towards getting there. I keep my fingers crossed that C doesn't either.